Dark Phoenix Review.

Thank Fox there’s no more of these.

The superhero genre is the biggest in film right now if not ever. 30 years ago, there seemed to be an abundance of different kinds of characters to idolise. Now it feels that the only characters kids look up to are superheroes. There’s nothing wrong with that. The superhero genre has gifted fans with some of the best stories and characters that cinema has received this century. The kick-starter for this genre was X-Men. The 2000 film showed the world that comic book movies didn’t have to suck. Before X-Men the genre made it out that you had to be camp to be a superhero movie. X-Men changed this mindset. Led by powerful performances by Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen. The film still holds up as one of the genres high points. In the 19 years that have followed the series has been a mixed bag. From the highs of the glorious Logan. To the lows of the abysmal X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The series has something for everyone. Dark Phoenix is the final instalment of the series under Fox. With Disney taking over soon, X-Men is going to have a makeover. Bar maybe Deadpool 3 (It’s complicated) this is the last time you’ll get to see these heroes as they’ve been since 2011. Does Dark Phoenix tie the series up in a neat bow? Or is this a sign that maybe we should’ve ended this series 2 years ago?

Dark Phoenix tells the story of Jean Grey’s (Sophie Turner) inner turmoil as she begins to develop new powers that tempt her to the dark side. The X-Men, led by Professor X (James McAvoy), must decide if the life of a friend is more valuable than the lives of the innocent. This is the second attempt at brining justice to “The Dark Phoenix Saga” on screen. X-Men: The Last Stand tried and failed to bring the famous comic to life in 2006. Dark Phoenix not only tarnishes the legacy of the comic, but it comes close to destroying the good will of everything that has come before it.  Instead of straight up adapting the comic; the film chooses to freestyle it. The opening 5 minutes of the film offer a brief glimpse of hope. The prologue focuses on how Professor X and Jean Grey met. It’s the only scene in the film that has any emotional beat. Once the title card appears the film vanishes into one of the more ridiculous films, you’ll see this year. An early space mission is the first sign that the special effects aren’t up to scratch. The film cost $200 million to make. It comes off feeling like a student film.  The runtime is thankfully only 1 hour and 50 minutes long. It’s still a chore to get through. It also happens to be the funniest entry yet. Unfortunately, this is not a comedy. There are moments in this film that will leave you crying with how bad they are. A party scene feels more like an 80’s PSA about underage drinking. The film’s big emotional moment in the film has no weight to it. Every character is underwritten if not ignored completely. Each new character is either unmemorable or awful. There’s no villain arc. The 2 big set pieces in the final act centre around crossing a road and a train journey. It has the cheeky to tease a sequel after boring you for its entirety. I haven’t been this mad leaving a film since Batman Vs Superman. At least that film was trying to be original. Had the series not had been ending already. Dark Phoenix would have murdered it.

Let’s not forget that First Class put James McAvoy, Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Fassbender and Nicolas Hoult on the map.  Without that film many of them would still be struggling to get their break in Hollywood. If you thought they didn’t want to be in X-Men Apocalypse, wait until you see how miserable they are here. James McAvoy phones in his performance as Professor X. It’s a shame because his arc is one of the only interesting ones in the film. Lawrence is sleepwalking through her scenes. Every single line she delivers is emotionless. The actress has wanted out of the series for years now. She could have given the fans a performance that didn’t come as if she was reading cue cards. Mystique is one of the comics more complex characters. It’s a shame to see her played by someone who couldn’t care less. Magneto (Michael Fassbender) doesn’t appear until halfway through the film. Yes, the best character of the series is left out for half of the film. Fassbender tries his best to conjure up another memorable performance. The material just isn’t there for him to work with. The same can be said for Nicolas Hoult. Beast’s journey in the film is intriguing on paper. It’s executed in a way that like everything else in the film makes no sense. I admire Fassbender and Hoult for trying to end these films on a positive note. McAvoy and Lawrence are lifeless. Considering everything these films have done for their careers. They could have given the fans something to cling onto. Any young actor should take notes from Dark Phoenix. Don’t sign onto multi-film deals if you are going to give up on performing halfway through.

Sophie Turner as the titular Dark Phoenix tries with all her might to make her character compelling. Many wrote her off before this film saying she wasn’t capable of pulling off a layered performance. Turner gives it her all but falls short. It’s not the actresses’ fault. Her body language and facial expressions are superb. The writing is so atrocious that it’s impossible for her to deliver them compellingly.  The characters motivation changes every scene. One moment Jean is distressed at what she’s becoming. The next she’s revelling in her dark side. The character switches from good to bad so much that it’s impossible to tell what’s going on.  Turner ends up having to deliver melodramatic speeches that wouldn’t make it onto Riverdale. The rest of the younger characters don’t fare any better. Cyclops (Tye Sheridan) is given a lost puppy arc. When he’s not moping, he’s screaming “Jean” at the top of his lungs. The romance between Grey and Cyclops is less convincing than Lawrence pretending she wants to be there. Hearing them call each other “Babe” is toe-curling.  Quicksilver (Evan Peters) has 5 lines before disappearing at the halfway point. Relegating the most charismatic actor to a nothing role is always a good decision. Nightcrawler (Kodi Smit-McPhee) continued to get on every single one of my nerves whenever on screen. This character is not supposed to be the goofy comic relief.  Storm (Alexandra Shipp) is given nothing to do for the second film in a row. These young actors are not given the same chance that McAvoy and the gang were given in First Class. How are these actors going to become stars when you give them nothing to do? Maybe they would have been better off going to Riverdale. At least they would have gotten to act.

Simon Kinberg has been associated with X-Men for a long time. Kinberg wrote The Last Stand, Days of Future Past and Apocalypse. The guy knows X-Men like the back of his hand. Due to Bryan Singer being a horrible human being. Dark Phoenix needed a new director. With Apocalypse being a disaster the only person who wanted the job was Kinberg. Making his directorial debut it’s clear to see why he normally sticks to writing. The directing is shambolic. The action scenes have everything happening at the same time. Making it hard to figure out what you’re meant to be watching. The dramatic scenes belong in a parody movie. The biggest moment in the film falls flat due to how it’s directed. Directors usually help the audience in understanding a film not confuse them. Kinberg is clearly out of his depth. Normally I’d say it’s not his fault that the script he was handed is a hot mess. Unfortunately, he handed the script to himself so there’s no one else to blame. The script feels as if it was written using predictive text. Your message doesn’t make sense but at least it forms a sentence. Kinberg also has one of the best actresses in the world in his film. Jessica Chastain plays the villainous Vuk. All you need to know is that she’s a villain and her name is Vuk. That’s all Kinberg gives you to work with.  Dark Phoenix attempts to be a film promoting equality. To say it’s pandering to its female audience would be an understatement. Whereas Captain Marvel was subtle in how in represented woman as equals. Dark Phoenix decides that it wants the world to know how great it is. Here’s an example of how Simon Kinberg understands women’s problems: “The women are always saving the men around here. You might want to think about changing the name to X-Women”. Congratulations Simon Kinberg you have banished sexism from the world forever. You might want to think about writing 3 dimensional female characters before you start to make your film out to be a marker for equality.

Dark Phoenix is a prime example of why you should know when to call it quits. Days of Future Past was the perfect ending for the series. Then Apocalypse had to go and ruin everything. Logan was a cinematic masterpiece. There was no need to have the X-Men on screen again. Everything was perfect. Dark Phoenix gives fans the worst film of the series after nearly 20 years of supporting it. Everything about this film goes against what the series is about. The acting is phoned in. The direction is poorer than poor. The script makes no sense. Worst of all, there’s no heart to be found. This was made for money and money alone. Instead of watching this film save your money. Go buy to boxset of the other films instead. Focus on the movies that brought us joy for nearly 20 years. Revisiting them is much more rewarding than watching this cinematic catastrophe. These films will forever have a special place in my heart. Mutant and Proud.

Liam’s Summary of Dark Phoenix

Best Moment: The film’s F bomb is the only time I smiled. It didn’t want me to, but I got to smile.

Worst Moment: Anytime it begins to pander to the audience. Which is a lot.

Best Character: The old couple who walked into my screen confused hallway through expecting Aladdin.

Worst Character: Jennifer Lawrence.

Watch These Instead

Logan: Let’s pretend nothing came after it.

X-Men: The Last Stand: It’s better than this rubbish.

Captain Marvel: A film that knows how to treat women properly.

Overall Score: 1/5