Giving Batman V Superman a Second Chance.

My relationship with Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice has been turbulent, to say the least. In summer 2013 in my eyes, the biggest movie of all time was announced. I was fourteen and losing my mind at the prospect of the biggest battle to ever grace the screen. Here was my favourite superhero in Batman (Ben Affleck) taking on the world’s golden boy Superman (Henry Cavill) in the fight to end all fights. My anticipation only grew when Ben Affleck was cast as The Caped Crusader. Affleck had just seen his creation Argo scoop up Best Picture at the Oscars, he could have done anything next and he chose to take on the role of my favourite superhero. As time passed to its release in 2016 my excitement grew bigger and bigger. The trailers were excellent, Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) was going to join in on the fun, and Jessie Eisenberg as Lex Luther seemed a move so insane that it had to work.  The day finally arrived. On the 25^th of March 2016, I was finally going to see the best film of my life. Nothing was going to stop me from raving about this until the day I die. I sat back into my chair with a ridiculously large popcorn and coke combo. Over the next two and a half hours something dawned on me and it wasn’t justice. The film to my shock and horror was… boring. I walked away with a face of thunder. All my waiting was for nothing. I vowed to never watch the film again. Granted I was seventeen at the time and this felt like more of a statement than it was. Now, four years later I have returned to watch for a second time.

For the record, I asked Twitter if I should stick with the theatrical cut or go with the Ultimate Edition. The people voted for the Ultimate Edition which outside of unnecessary of Clark Kent and Louis Lane (Amy Adams) investigating cost me double the price. Thank you, loyal readers, you never let me down.

The problems I had with the film on its release remain the same. This is a slog of a movie; to get through. Which when you read the plot synopsis sounds impossible: “Fearing the actions of Superman are left unchecked, Batman takes on the Man of Steel, while the world wrestles with what kind of hero it really needs.”. That sentence alone almost tricks me into watching this a third time. How can a movie that pits the world's most famous superheroes against one another be bad? The problem lies in the decision to squeeze as many plots as possible into the film in the hope that no one would notice. This is a film that attempts to be a *takes breath* Man of Steel sequel, a Batman origin story, an introduction to Wonder Woman, a set-up for Justice League, a political statement on the cons of superheroes, a Louis Lane investigation story, a post-apocalyptic tale from the future, a Lex Luther origin, a fight against a giant CGI monster (Robin Atkin Downes) and of course a movie where Batman fights Superman. The sad part is that I probably forgot to mention many other plotlines. When you try to make eight movies in one you end up with a mess that fails to deliver on the one thing that fans wanted from your movie. A fight between Batman and Superman.

DC got jealous of the MCU (please don’t attack me). Marvel made five movies across four years before releasing their first team-up movie. DC saw the box office numbers Avengers brought in and wanted in on the action. Why else would they turn a golden opportunity to make cinemas greatest battle into a full-blown set up for a cinematic universe? It blew up entirely in their face. Zack Snyder couldn't make a decent movie when he had the studio breathing down his neck. The whole point of the movie is to see Batman fight Superman. The eventual fight comes after what feels like an eternity. The fight itself is great as each hero uses their unique fighting style to their benefit. Batman shoots Superman with a kryptonite gun, while Superman effortlessly flings Batman through buildings. It’s glorious as you're kept guessing on who will prevail. The fights conclusion is an insult to everyone watching the film. Instead of one man walking away as the victor, the fight comes to a screeching halt when the two heroes discover their mums are both called Martha. They then decide to suddenly become best friends and team up to fight Doomsday in a headache-inducing final half-hour. It’s pathetic. All those years of waiting were made redundant with a safety word.

The saving grace of this film is Ben Affleck. If you cast your mind back to when Affleck was cast the internet united in giving the Boston actor abuse. Which is surprising when you look at the actor's impressive resume. Granted he was an awful Daredevil, the actor managed to revive his career in a way that few can. Affleck is far and away the best part of the movie. As Bruce Wayne, he carries the typical class mixed with smugness, which makes Batman’s alter ego intriguing. The opening scene where Wayne races through the crumbling city to save his employees is excellent. Affleck makes it clear that his character will do anything to protect his beloved Gotham. This version of The Dark Knight is the darkest seen on screen to date. Batman brands criminals with a mark of death for when they enter prison in a move that angered many fans. Getting rid of Batman’s “no-kill” rule paves the way for him to access a previously unseen level of brutality. If you look at the actors who played Batman before Affleck, outside of Bale they all struggled to be both a good Bruce Wayne and a good Batman. Affleck is superb as both. I wish he got his solo movie to flesh out the character more. If this is Affleck’s Batman in a bad movie, imagine what he would be like in a great movie.

Henry Cavil has forty-three lines in Batman V Superman. No, your eyes do not deceive you. Our main character only speaks forty-three times. If you know even the smallest detail about Superman, you know that something has gone terribly wrong. Superman is typically a noble hero who is sacrificial in everything he does. The guy literally walks around with a symbol of hope on his chest. Henry Cavill’s Superman mopes and looks on passively while those around do something noteworthy. Cavill has the looks, acting ability, and charm to be the great Superman of our generation. Both here and Man of Steel see Superman having an identity crisis. When you don’t allow your audience to see what that identity is, it’s hard to feel invested. Even his reliable relationship with Louis Lane feels off, the scene where he joins her in the bath is stomach-churning. Cavill has gone to show how talented he is in both Mission Impossible: Fallout and The Witcher. The actor is not at fault here. How can he be to blame when he only had forty-three lines?

Chris Terrio and David S. Goyer’s script is a disaster. Neither of them knew what movie they wanted to make. Chris Terrio later encountered the same issues with Rise of Skywalker, a film that makes me even angrier than this one. It’s doubtful that Terrio and Goyer have met. I wouldn’t be surprised if to this day they don’t know the other exists. It’s insane to me that David S. Goyer is the same guy who wrote The Dark Knight trilogy. What’s the difference between this film and The Dark Knight trilogy? There was no studio interference. Not only that, but there was a clear vision. That trilogy had a beginning and ending in the mind of Christopher Nolan before Batman Begins hit cinemas. Batman V Superman never knows what it wants to be. Terrio and Goyer would have been better off adapting The Dark Knight Returns, Batman was the one thing they got right after all. Who could say no Affleck and Jeremy Irons’ Alfred bouncing off each other for a full film?

It’s time to address the Jessie Eisenberg in the room. Eisenberg's performance as Lex Luther has been rightly slated for the past four years. It’s atrocious. Seeing Superman’s arch-nemesis turned into a giddy man child who can’t go two seconds without making an odd noise is a sorry sight. Even the sight of his long luscious hair makes me mad. Luther who is a conning businessman in the comic should never be peeing into jars to intimidate his rivals. Yes, I’m still not over the pee scene and I don’t think I ever will. Eisenberg’s casting makes sense when you look at his catalogue of work. Luther could have been like Mark Zuckerberg in The Social Network. Eisenberg is excellent at playing emotionless jerks, which is exactly what Lex Luther is. Why change both Eisenberg and Luther into snivelling fools? Zack Snyder recently stated that he wanted Luther to be “a modern study into what a supervillain might look like.”. In Snyder’s eyes, modern supervillains are identical to Jim Carrey's Riddler. Unlike Carrey’s performance, we aren’t laughing with Eisenberg.

Zack Snyder has always fascinated me, especially in recent years with the whole Snyder Cut debacle. Snyder is a passionate comic book fan and filmmaker. The director gets a lot of abuse for his dark takes on movies. As far as direction styles go it’s unique and interesting. Take Watchmen, a beautifully crafted dark take that explores the real-world effects of superheroes better than any other film in the genre. I love Watchmen so much that I’ll always back Snyder up. However, his direction in the final act of Batman V Superman is unforgivable. Up until then the bulk of the blame can be put onto the writing and the studio. The last act of the film sees Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman team up against Doomsday. It only exists to make the heroes unite without having to build up to it. Who needs progressive character arcs over multiple movies when you can get your heroes to fight a horrifically designed monster? There are explosions, grunt faces, loud music, and every other trope in the book to tell you that what’s on-screen is important. Batman and Superman who were trying to kill each other five minutes ago are quipping together. Wonder Woman is thrown into the action without any indication of who she is. The final act only exists to set up five different movies in a non-sensical manner. I expected more from you, Mr. Snyder.

Four years later my problems with Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice remain the same. It’s essentially a three-hour trailer with a mini Batman V Superman fight sprinkled in to please the masses. If you can get something from this film, I’m truly happy for you. I wish I was in the same boat. I just can’t sit here and pretend that it’s not extremely boring. It makes Avengers Endgame feel like a short film. There’s no heart. We don’t care enough about the characters to justify spending so much time with them feeling sad. Everyone here is sad. Superman is sad that he’s not loved. Lex Luther is sad that he’s a twerp. Batman is sad that his parents are dead. I’m sad that I went back on my promise not to watch this again. Who knows, maybe I’ll return to this in four years and love it? There’s more of a chance of the Snyder Cut being released.